How do you even begin to respond once you’ve been told that you have a date with death, and its rapidly approaching.
Dedication: Dear AshleyCae, I pray that you live to see the fruitfulness of all your hardwork, to see how much love you have poured into this world, and how much it has poured back. Thank you most of all, thank you for pouring into me. I cannot even begin to formulate enough words that accurately sum that profound impact you’ve had on my life. Thank you for not letting teenaged communication skills, and lack there of to taint what this has grown into. I cannot wait to have you on my side at every event, every award, every opportunity. No matter where you are—I carry you with me.
Love Always, your sister/friend.
Let me first preface this by saying that at the time of writing this that I am a 29 year old woman. A fresh 29, so fresh that most of me, maybe even all of me still identifies with 28, and I have spent all of 28 trying to wrap my mind around what 28 even means.
To be a twenty something.
We were twenty something when I reconnected with an old friend. We met our senior year of high school, in the library. What a cliche. But there we were in an assigned free period. We restocked the shelves with worn books, their edges tattered, their story have been touched and handled by many hands. Those books represented the same condition we found ourselves in when we found each other. We were worn, a little tattered, but we were a hell of a story.
We were twenty something, when we both had the biggest health hurdles of our lives. In a time where the whole world had shut down, it seemed that we found ourselves under the weight of our entire lives crashing down upon us like strong waves in the wintery Lake Michigan.
We were twenty something when you found out that you had advanced stage lymphatic leukemia. Just as our friendship was beginning to take bloom once again.
When you are only twenty something, you still think that you have time. You still think there is time to figure it out. Everyone tells you about how your twenties are about self-discovery, about understanding who you are, and where your interests truly lie. It’s about letting go, and growing up. But what do you do when you discover that your time is limited, that your prime is already behind you. How do you even begin to respond once you’ve been told that you have a date with death, and its rapidly approaching. It’s cold touch is within reach.
How do you even begin to grieve something that has not already occurred. How can I even fathom a world where your physical being, your physical laughter, your physical hand to hold is not here. Where do you start? As much as I cry, and my heart HURTS. I want you to live. I want to live with you for as long as I can. I want to selfishly create as many memories as your fading body can handle. I want to do the corny stuff and watch the sunset, because our reality is that both our suns will set, and that time is going to come well before we’re ready.
I’m not ready. I’m not ready to call it quits….there’s still so much we have left to do. I still have to get you to Vegas, so we can show them a little thigh, and raise as much hell as possible before you arrive at heavens gate.
How do you begin to tell your best friend good bye…
This is absolutely beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. I can’t wait for the world to see the beautiful woman and amazing chef you are. 🧡